This post is to share some honesty about how I have been doing and to provide a few updates.
For more than a month, I haven’t been myself. I’m writing this now, because I feel like I’m starting to really find myself again. I’m not there yet, but the fact that I’m doing this is a good start.
I have been too lethargic. I haven’t felt as hopeful as I would like. Things just really caught up with me. I kept thinking of what I should be doing and what I wanted to do, but doing either category of thing was a chore. I almost didn’t do this. I’m glad I am doing it.
It has now been seven weeks since we lost Scorpio. While I think of and talk to him often, I am slowly, grudgingly accepting that he is gone.
Since we decided to keep Shadow, I have been doing better with that. Yes, having him isn’t always easy. But he’s a good boy. He’s making progress. Tomorrow we finally get some professional help. With luck, he will soon be comfortable with Mr. Rogers and it will be easier for us all to live here.
I have written before about my frustration with my job and the disappointment of not getting a job I wanted. But I applied for an auditor job, and I’m going to be applying for an ombudsman job. I have learned not to get too excited about jobs, but I think I would be good at either of them. Also, I know that kind of work would fit my personality and skills. I’m just so tired of being told things take time and that I need to be patient. I need a job that will truly let me create accountability and through it a better society.
I have met my exercise goals every day. Today was the 256th consecutive day. Given the bad weather we had and my not feeling right, I barely did enough on some days. But I always managed enough. Honestly, I’m proud of that.
I have been reading a lot and really enjoying it. Now that I’m finding myself again, I have several more reviews to write.
And, since I’m being honest, I will once again say being single sucks. It really sucks hard during a pandemic.
That’s what I have for now. It felt good doing this.
If you read this and your struggling, I wish you the best. Just keep hanging in there. You, too, will start finding yourself again.