Summary of The Courage to Be Disliked
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga explores Adlerian psychology through a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man. It emphasizes personal freedom, self-acceptance, and the importance of interpersonal relationships in achieving happiness.
Key Themes:
1. Happiness is a Choice
People are not defined by past traumas but by the meaning they assign to experiences. True happiness comes from focusing on the present rather than blaming the past.
2. Interpersonal Relationships Define Happiness
Most suffering stems from seeking validation from others. True freedom is achieved by acting without concern for external judgment.
3. Separation of Tasks
People should distinguish between what is their responsibility and what belongs to others. Trying to control how others feel leads to unnecessary suffering.
4. The Courage to Be Disliked
Not everyone will like or approve of you, and that is okay. Living authentically means prioritizing personal values over societal expectations.
5. Contributing to Others is Key to Fulfillment
Self-worth comes from contributing to a greater whole. Happiness is found in community and meaningful relationships, not in external success.
Conclusion
The book argues that happiness is within reach for those who embrace their true selves, take responsibility for their actions, and stop seeking external validation. Shifting focus from approval to internal growth and contribution leads to lasting fulfillment.
My Thoughts
When I saw the title of this book, I just had to read it. I believe my willingness to be disliked by others as long as I’m doing what I believe is right is one of my greatest strengths. But I also recognize my willingness to regularly speak the truth gets me in trouble. So, I wanted to know what this book would say about having the courage to be disliked.
Sitting here, I can honestly say The Courage to be Disliked is one of the most impactful books I have ever read. I’m very much looking forward to reading more about Adler and his ideas. That’s especially true for the books that seek to apply his theories to today’s world.
Before I began the book, I had never heard of Alferd Adler. I had no idea the book was about Adler and his theories of psychology.Had I known what the book was really about, I may not have read it. While I appreciate the discipline of psychology, I wouldn’t have believed the ideas of someone who died 88 years ago could apply to today’s world.
I’m not ready to say how reading this book will change me, but I’m certain it will. Once I know more about how I’m going to change as a result of my currently limited understanding of Adlerian psychology, I will write a post about that.
If you are interested in thinking about a new way of viewing life and relationships, The Courage to be Disliked will be a good read for you.